About an hour ago I suffered severe electric shock. I was unplugging some halogen light thing and WHAM; hit me like drunken step Father slaps his red headed son. Naturally, I was "shocked" that electricity was uninvitedly rarin' throughout my entire body. I cried out. "Ahh I've bein' shocked!" I managed to release the base and collapsed on the ground (unsure if the collapse was caused by the electricity or my natural melo-dramatic nature). My throat had a lump, my hand killed - most notably my left index finger was burned to a crisp, my lung capacity had diminished, and my untimely demise felt imminent. Surprisingly, I stood up and ran upstairs to look in a mirror; basically checking for any disfigurement to my superior exterior. The answer is no; however, I still knocked on death's door and perhaps he was too busy picking up Iraqis and Darfur peeps to fly all the way to Canada for me. Or perhaps he was on his way. My body tingled; I am still tingling! I feel a current running through my body. I must release this current somehow! If this current catches my heart off guard then fibrillation will occur, which ultimately would be my death.
I seeked advice from my colleague in the science community and he believes I'm still in a precarious state. He's unreliable though, thus I checked the most respected site on the web - Wikipedia. They mentioned the amount of bolts required to cause a fatality. They had like five categories. I appear to be in category 3; CATEGORY 4 IS DEATH. Which leads to an intriguing question: What is category 5? Well, that, my daffy little readers, is the shock paramedics give to those needing a beat (the heart kind; not the red headed step child kind). NO TIME FOR SUCH TRIVIAL FACTS. The point is this: I may awake from my sleep suffering convulsions and spitting blood. Let's hope not.
Showing posts with label Death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Death. Show all posts
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Diagnosis: Death (With Some Laughter)
At semester's beginning, I impressed some audition person and was promptly cast in a play. An auspicious commencement for your protagonist. And so, I embarked on a journey leading to discoveries and truths of my character, and of myself. Following many rehearsals and battling many confusions regarding the purpose of this play, I finally was beginning to grasp the concepts of the script and the fundamentals of my character's rationale/persona. Then, on performance eve, it happened.
My throat was tender; my nose was mildly runny; and a slight feeling of death came over me. In the morning, the plague had struck in it's entirety. I awoke with my body feeling deader than most rocks. I diagnosed myself with dreadful death, but a normy (a normal person, probably like you) would diagnose my plague as a common cold. Nooooooooo! I had to perform! How could one properly perform with death-like illness? This would surely result in some major malfunction. Then, sudden-like, I was struck with an epiphany - drugs! I must procure drugs to alleviate my symptoms, therefore allowing for proper performance! I flung out of bed with new hope and manned the phone. I called twenty dorms (girl dorms, obviously. What man takes medicine? Unless of course, he's in a show). Some girls demonstrated concern and offered moral support; others were cold, bitter ladies, who were merciless to the sick and needy. Regardless, not a single soul had cold drugs! Madness! Does no one suffer sickness here!?
Terrible, unprepared people. Defeated, I retreated to my room, throwing on sweats and a sweater (inside-out, but who would care) as I entered into sick mode. I flopped on my bed, dreading my upcoming performance, a mere few hours away. Beat. TURNING POINT.
A voice downstairs beckons my presence. Fine. When the dizziness still had hold after the elevation change of walking down the stairs, I saw a blurred female. Angelic Jemica arrived, having heard rumors of the plague in our dorm. She offered six different medicinal options. Blessed day! I was saved. Immediately, I indulged in such (apparent) delicacies that cold drugs are at Redeemer. It tasted awful, but coated my throat with some euphoric feeling; healing, I must of been. But would my symptoms be alleviated enough for the play? And how was that play, by the way? Stay tuned.
My throat was tender; my nose was mildly runny; and a slight feeling of death came over me. In the morning, the plague had struck in it's entirety. I awoke with my body feeling deader than most rocks. I diagnosed myself with dreadful death, but a normy (a normal person, probably like you) would diagnose my plague as a common cold. Nooooooooo! I had to perform! How could one properly perform with death-like illness? This would surely result in some major malfunction. Then, sudden-like, I was struck with an epiphany - drugs! I must procure drugs to alleviate my symptoms, therefore allowing for proper performance! I flung out of bed with new hope and manned the phone. I called twenty dorms (girl dorms, obviously. What man takes medicine? Unless of course, he's in a show). Some girls demonstrated concern and offered moral support; others were cold, bitter ladies, who were merciless to the sick and needy. Regardless, not a single soul had cold drugs! Madness! Does no one suffer sickness here!?
Terrible, unprepared people. Defeated, I retreated to my room, throwing on sweats and a sweater (inside-out, but who would care) as I entered into sick mode. I flopped on my bed, dreading my upcoming performance, a mere few hours away. Beat. TURNING POINT.
A voice downstairs beckons my presence. Fine. When the dizziness still had hold after the elevation change of walking down the stairs, I saw a blurred female. Angelic Jemica arrived, having heard rumors of the plague in our dorm. She offered six different medicinal options. Blessed day! I was saved. Immediately, I indulged in such (apparent) delicacies that cold drugs are at Redeemer. It tasted awful, but coated my throat with some euphoric feeling; healing, I must of been. But would my symptoms be alleviated enough for the play? And how was that play, by the way? Stay tuned.
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